The use of a rumor sensitive area, such as a water cooler or the copy machine, is limited to employees who have received certification from the Guerrilla Marketing Department on the proper protocol for rumor sensitive activities, including, but not limited to, conversations, departmental postings, company softball league solicitations, and yard sale notifications.
To ensure successful guerrilla marketing efforts, DSI defines a rumor sensitive area as any location within a six-foot radius of any and all water coolers, fax machines, copiers, coffee makers, and refrigerators within any and all organizations that have been infiltrated by DSI employees. As such, interactions occurring within rumor sensitive areas are vital to any and all guerrilla marketing efforts.
In an effort to support and maintain proper disinformation distribution (See Section 57 of the Company Handbook) DSI believes that only well-trained DSI employees can initiate a successful Water Cooler Campaign (See Appendix AA: Section 12). All Water Cooler Campaigns that are carried out by uncertified Water Cooler Marketers are not only a valuable waste of company resources, including office supply resources and the ever-valuable creative energy inherent within all DSI employees (See “Seven Tantric Techniques to Releasing Your Inner Imp”), but could potentially alert the individuals in both the private and public sector to our closely guarded techniques and activities.
Any employee caught operating in a Rumor Sensitive Area, both on site and on assignment, without proper certification will be reported to the Accountability Department and subject to employee review.